(A quick disclaimer: this is a piece a I wrote for a class assignment that we will be turning into a short "silent" film. thus said, there is no dialogue except visual dialogue, words are mouthed etc. and there are no descriptions of sound whatsoever. So take that into account when critiquing it. Also, when you write a screenplay, you cannot write "Tyler was surprised..." because that is a very non-visual description and is rather ambiguous. rather you would write "...Tyler's mouth dropped open, his hands released his books that clattered to the ground." Thus the visual representation of surprise is depicted. That is how this piece is written as well. Please take these 2 things into account when reviewing the piece.)
Jon, a young man with glasses, slowly opens his eyes in a pool of water. He blinks repeatedly from the impact of more water falling onto his face from the sink above.
The door to the restroom opens as another man in a dark jacket (no tie) walks in. upon seeing Jon’s state in the messy bathroom the Jacketed Man hurries to aid Jon in getting back on his feet. Jon leans against the wall holding his head, while Jacket man washes his hands.
Jacket man leaves but as he does, Jon glances down and sees Jacket Man pushing a wallet into his back pocket. Jon, does a double take, reaches for his own wallet and realizes its missing. He is startled for a moment, but after regaining his composure, he runs out the door to confront the man who has just pick-pocketed him.
Outside the bathroom Jon sees his assailant disappearing around a corner to his left. Jon inhales deeply and then starts walking in pursuit. He hasn’t taken more than 3 steps however when something draws his gaze to the right. He quickly looks to find the same jacketed man sitting at a table. Shocked Jon looks to his left then his right repeatedly. He mouths the words “how did you…?”
Jon shrugs it off and marches to confront the man. As Jon reaches the table, the man motions for him to have a seat across from him. Jon, skeptically, pulls the chair out and moves to sit, but, to his surprise the chair is suddenly gone, and Jon stumbles to the ground.
Jon picks himself up again only to find himself next to an old house that’s decrepit and crumbling. Jon rubs his head and scans the area. He hears a noise and steps to peak around the corner.
He sees the Jacketed man hunched over a tree stump, using a rusty knife to cut carrots. Jon is shakes his head and blinks repeatedly in disbelief. He stares on at the jacketed man in an attempt to decide what his next move is. Suddenly, the jacketed man looks up and meets eyes with Jon. Jon jumps back around the corner, sure that the man has already seen him.
Slowly Jon takes another peek. The man is gone but the vegetables and axe remain on the stump. Jon checks his surroundings. Nothing. Jon looks back to the stump—the axe is now gone.
Jon begins to shake in panic. He slowly creeps forward and investigates the stump.
As he leans down and picks up the shredded carrots, the Jacketed man approaches from over Jon’s shoulder. Jon does not realize the man is approaching. The man raises the axe and at the last second. Jon turns to find his assailant.
He is thrown backwards over the stump. Jon stumbles, rolls, and breaks into a run making it around the nearest corner of the house. As Jon run’s he looks back over his shoulder for his pursuant, but to his dismay, the Jacketed man is gone again.
Jon rounds the corner and smashes into someone—the jacketed man.
Jacket man grabs Jon and begins to shake him. He then reveals a pistol from his coat.
Suddenly, the pair are in the middle of a road. Cars flying by on both sides.
Suddenly they both are struggling in the bathroom. They’re feet slosh water as they struggle for hold on the gun.
At last Jon wrenches the gun from Jacket-Man’s grasp. He steps back and points it at Jacket man’s chest. But Jacket man continues to grin. From behind him he reveals the axe. Jacket man takes 2 steps forward. Jon motions for him to stay away with the pistol.
Then, Jon lowers the gun for a moment as his mouth gapes open.
Flashback.
Jon is in the bathroom alone. As he washes his hands he slips in the water and hits his head like a rag doll on the lip of the sink.
Back to.
Jon holding the gun. Jacket man is in front of him but does not advance. Jon reaches in his back pocket and finds his wallet is still there.
Astonished, Jon looks back to his hand and though his fingers are still formed as though they were holding a gun, there is nothing in his hand. Jon looks forward, Jacketed man is not there anymore either.
Jon closes his eyes and opens them. Jacket man is back in the bathroom and the gun is in Jon’s hand once more. Jon slowly shifts the gun to his own head.
Jacket man yells “Noooo!!!”
Jon, now without a gun in his hand, Jon closes his eyes, and pulls the trigger.
A Flash of light and then blackness.
Jon stands alone in the bathroom. He closes his eyes and opens them. Jacket-Man does not return.
The End
Showing posts with label Screenplay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Screenplay. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Username and Password Video Link
I know its been sometime, and I don't know if you remember my last post, but the video I created from the screenplay I had written, is now posted on Vimeo. Go check it out and see how it compares with what you imagined from reading the screenplay. here is the link: http://vimeo.com/10654390
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Username and Password
Original screenplay by Carson Tietjen
Int. Computer Lab. Day
Matthew Connelly is sitting at a computer HUNCHED over staring deep into the monitor. He has a hoody on and headphones from his mp3 player. He looks over a Word document and moves the mouse to scroll up and down. Someone sits next to him at another computer.
Matthew turns his head to see a brunette sitting down at the computer next to him. She is decked out in full fall outfit including scarf and petticoat. Autumn girl removes a leaf that has been stuck to her scarf.
Matthew
Hey.
Autumn
Hello.
She sets her book bag down, removes a pen from behind her ear and sets it down, puts her phone next to the keyboard, sets her Ipod down, takes her scarf off and bundles it next to her bag, and sets a water bottle on the desk next to the computer.
She reaches in her book bag and removes a jump drive. As she does so, she catches Matthew from the corner of her eye. She smiles real big and bites her lip. Clearly interested and happy with her luck of sitting next to Matthew.
Matthew glances at her and Autumn looks away in a inconspicuous/conspicuous manner. Matthew rubs under his eye and returns his face returns to his own computer monitor.
Autumn stifles a laugh and sneaks several peaks at Matthew. She opens her email and begins typing a message. “…boy next to me is so HOTT!!!...”
Autumn can't stop staring at the boy until it draws Matthew’s attention once more and she resumes an INNOCENT and oblivious facial expression. Matthew glances at her screen to see what she has written. Casually Autumn reaches up and turns the monitor away from Matthew. He removes his headphones and openly glares at her as if to say Are you kidding me? Autumn does not react. She merely twirls her hair with one finger. Matthew eventually resumes his homework.
Autumn grabs her phone, and, holding it down to not be noticed, takes a picture of Matthew. The phone makes a SHUTTER sound effect that draws Matthew’s attention once more. He removes his headphones and waits for Autumn to see him, but she is busy writing a text message on her phone. She sends “pic” to her email address autumn_girl_32@gmail.com.
Matthew leans forward and trys to catch another glimpse of Autumn’s computer monitor. This time she sits back in offense and stares at Matthew. He looks shocked that she is acting so innocent. Autumn points at his computer monitor and shoos him away.
Once Matthew isn’t looking anymore Autumn gets a sneaky smile on her face. She stares at Matthew a moment longer.
A message pops up on the screen: “1 New Email Message in Your Inbox”. She opens it and it’s the picture of Matthew she texted to her own email. She proceeds to forward it to her friends.
Matthew once again glances at the monitor and Autumn downsizes the window to reveal a word document. Matthew shakes his head in disbelief. Something is going on and he wants to know.
Autumn hits the print button. She stands up and walks to the printer leaving her items behind. Once she is across the room Matthew leans over and opens the email window on her computer to find out what she has been up to but to his dismay Autumn has signed out of her email. He looks at her as she walks to the printer. Autumn turns and smiles at him and shakes her head mouthing the words “ah ah AHH!” .
At this point Matthew is getting fed up. An idea pops in his head. Matthew straightens himself in his seat and checks his surroundings. His head turns from one side to the other and then it comes back to the computer. He checks for Autumn who is now standing at the printer waiting.
Matthew JUMPS up and grabs the two keyboards in front of himself, swapping his keyboard for hers. He does the same with the mouse so that he has the controls to her computer and her spot has his keyboard. Matthew grabs an out of order paper from the computer next to himself and places behind Autumn’s monitor.
By now Autumn is already on her way back with several papers in her hands. Matthew acts casually as she sits back down. He can’t help but reveal a smile but then quickly wipes it off his face. Autumn is now WARY but after searching her surroundings she returns to her computer.
Autumn sits and reaches for her mouse. At first her mouse doesn’t react but she shakes it back and forth and it begins to respond. As she does Matthew, unnoticed, follows her every movement with his mouse. Autumn types her username into the computer. The letters appear slower than she types them. She does not notice but Matthew is mimicking her every movement.
Matthew turns his monitor away from Autumn as the username appears that Autumn unknowingly just typed into the wrong keyboard making them display on Matthews computer. He smiles and continues to imitate her movements.
Next she types in her password and on her monitor it appears blanked out, but on the real monitor to Matthews right, the words are plain. Her password is cinniminstix27. Autumn hits enter but nothing happens. She continues to do so several times. Autumn is suddenly frustrated and stares at Matthew as if he is the culprit. Matthew acts casual.
Matthew
Hmm, must have froze. Oh wait see this?
Matthew pulls out the out of order paper from behind the monitor.
Matthew
Computer must have problems.
Autumn glares at him and then moves one computer away. Matthew casually opens the email account on his left using Autumn's username and password. He opens her sent mail and reads the messages about himself “…boy next to me is so hott!!!” Matthew smiles and closes the email.
Matthew closes the window, logs out, grabs his backpack, and walks away.
Autumn remains behind still figuring Matthew is up to something. By now she has successfully logged onto her email once more. On her screen a new email appears in her inbox. She opens it and it has a 7 digit number. Autumn slowly punches it into her phone. Across the library she sees Matthew answer.
Matthew
Hello?
Autumn (with a big grin)
Hey.
The end.
Int. Computer Lab. Day
Matthew Connelly is sitting at a computer HUNCHED over staring deep into the monitor. He has a hoody on and headphones from his mp3 player. He looks over a Word document and moves the mouse to scroll up and down. Someone sits next to him at another computer.
Matthew turns his head to see a brunette sitting down at the computer next to him. She is decked out in full fall outfit including scarf and petticoat. Autumn girl removes a leaf that has been stuck to her scarf.
Matthew
Hey.
Autumn
Hello.
She sets her book bag down, removes a pen from behind her ear and sets it down, puts her phone next to the keyboard, sets her Ipod down, takes her scarf off and bundles it next to her bag, and sets a water bottle on the desk next to the computer.
She reaches in her book bag and removes a jump drive. As she does so, she catches Matthew from the corner of her eye. She smiles real big and bites her lip. Clearly interested and happy with her luck of sitting next to Matthew.
Matthew glances at her and Autumn looks away in a inconspicuous/conspicuous manner. Matthew rubs under his eye and returns his face returns to his own computer monitor.
Autumn stifles a laugh and sneaks several peaks at Matthew. She opens her email and begins typing a message. “…boy next to me is so HOTT!!!...”
Autumn can't stop staring at the boy until it draws Matthew’s attention once more and she resumes an INNOCENT and oblivious facial expression. Matthew glances at her screen to see what she has written. Casually Autumn reaches up and turns the monitor away from Matthew. He removes his headphones and openly glares at her as if to say Are you kidding me? Autumn does not react. She merely twirls her hair with one finger. Matthew eventually resumes his homework.
Autumn grabs her phone, and, holding it down to not be noticed, takes a picture of Matthew. The phone makes a SHUTTER sound effect that draws Matthew’s attention once more. He removes his headphones and waits for Autumn to see him, but she is busy writing a text message on her phone. She sends “pic” to her email address autumn_girl_32@gmail.com.
Matthew leans forward and trys to catch another glimpse of Autumn’s computer monitor. This time she sits back in offense and stares at Matthew. He looks shocked that she is acting so innocent. Autumn points at his computer monitor and shoos him away.
Once Matthew isn’t looking anymore Autumn gets a sneaky smile on her face. She stares at Matthew a moment longer.
A message pops up on the screen: “1 New Email Message in Your Inbox”. She opens it and it’s the picture of Matthew she texted to her own email. She proceeds to forward it to her friends.
Matthew once again glances at the monitor and Autumn downsizes the window to reveal a word document. Matthew shakes his head in disbelief. Something is going on and he wants to know.
Autumn hits the print button. She stands up and walks to the printer leaving her items behind. Once she is across the room Matthew leans over and opens the email window on her computer to find out what she has been up to but to his dismay Autumn has signed out of her email. He looks at her as she walks to the printer. Autumn turns and smiles at him and shakes her head mouthing the words “ah ah AHH!” .
At this point Matthew is getting fed up. An idea pops in his head. Matthew straightens himself in his seat and checks his surroundings. His head turns from one side to the other and then it comes back to the computer. He checks for Autumn who is now standing at the printer waiting.
Matthew JUMPS up and grabs the two keyboards in front of himself, swapping his keyboard for hers. He does the same with the mouse so that he has the controls to her computer and her spot has his keyboard. Matthew grabs an out of order paper from the computer next to himself and places behind Autumn’s monitor.
By now Autumn is already on her way back with several papers in her hands. Matthew acts casually as she sits back down. He can’t help but reveal a smile but then quickly wipes it off his face. Autumn is now WARY but after searching her surroundings she returns to her computer.
Autumn sits and reaches for her mouse. At first her mouse doesn’t react but she shakes it back and forth and it begins to respond. As she does Matthew, unnoticed, follows her every movement with his mouse. Autumn types her username into the computer. The letters appear slower than she types them. She does not notice but Matthew is mimicking her every movement.
Matthew turns his monitor away from Autumn as the username appears that Autumn unknowingly just typed into the wrong keyboard making them display on Matthews computer. He smiles and continues to imitate her movements.
Next she types in her password and on her monitor it appears blanked out, but on the real monitor to Matthews right, the words are plain. Her password is cinniminstix27. Autumn hits enter but nothing happens. She continues to do so several times. Autumn is suddenly frustrated and stares at Matthew as if he is the culprit. Matthew acts casual.
Matthew
Hmm, must have froze. Oh wait see this?
Matthew pulls out the out of order paper from behind the monitor.
Matthew
Computer must have problems.
Autumn glares at him and then moves one computer away. Matthew casually opens the email account on his left using Autumn's username and password. He opens her sent mail and reads the messages about himself “…boy next to me is so hott!!!” Matthew smiles and closes the email.
Matthew closes the window, logs out, grabs his backpack, and walks away.
Autumn remains behind still figuring Matthew is up to something. By now she has successfully logged onto her email once more. On her screen a new email appears in her inbox. She opens it and it has a 7 digit number. Autumn slowly punches it into her phone. Across the library she sees Matthew answer.
Matthew
Hello?
Autumn (with a big grin)
Hey.
The end.
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